It’s 3:45am; yes… 3:45 in the fucking morning. I shouldn’t be awake, or even able to function at this hour – but here I am, a victim to my own sleepless unraveling mind. If thoughts take the easiest path when not controlled, and stress is such an overpowering factor in the mind – I guess it makes sense why I am up in the middle of the night debating a budget for the money that has yet to be made; the amount of gas to be put into a car that probably isn’t for sale yet; the mental wars and new challenges that await… but mostly what keeps me up is the voice of reason that suggests the possibility that the beautiful woman laying beside me is not as sure as I, that this is what she wants everlastingly. If so, what will become of me? Of course I’ll get over it, move on, and live thousands more days with a smile on my face, but my life would take a huge sacrifice cut, not to mention the damage to that stupid little thumping thing that decides everything lately in my chest. All I am giving up, and all the trouble I will be taking on – for the chance that a high school romance will last a lifetime – I guess some people would consider it insane… But that look in her eyes, and the way she falls in love with me all over again at times; the electricity through my veins when she touches me, and the overwhelming calmness that comes over me when her body lays intertwined with mine… all of it is so worth any sacrifice, or any hardship a human can handle. I know I am strong. Strong minded; strong willed. Thus, I am limitless. I could go anywhere, do anything, with anyone – and be happy. That in it’s self is a power so little amount of people possess, and its’ strength cannot possibly be measured. I made the mental choice to be happy despite the situation or hardships that come my way, and I have been ever since. No matter where I go, who I’m with, or what obstacles may jump in my way – I will always have that strength, and self respect to stay me and stay strong. This insures me I’ll be just fine to move out in august. Money will be limited, food – perhaps scarce at times, but I’ll fall asleep holding her, with a smile on my face. That girl is my passion. I don’t know how else to explain it. What is something you’re willing to put blood, sweat and tears into; sacrifice anything for; give anything to, and be willing to work for every single day, if not a passion? She’s my lifelong passion. She’s what makes me happiest, and my goal is to marry her. I’m goal oriented, and motivated by the thought of having a family with this girl one day. This is what drives me to move hundreds of miles from any sort of family or long-term friends, to a harder lifestyle with an unpredictable outcome. I am in love, which gives me all the strength in the world – and if the day comes where love is not enough, I still know I’m going to be just fine in the end – no matter what. My only hope is that when that end comes, it’s her who will be lying next to me.
