So much of my soul has never surfaced;
I've been hazey-eyes and aimlessly floating for so long... I've longed to feel the high of being alive for too long... The drugs lied - Even when I submersed myself, it didn't suffice. Deeper now, wondering why I still couldn't breathe in this life. Drowning for a lifetime, Thinking maybe I'm just meant to adapt to this bitter cold... Deeper now, it seeps through to the marrow of my bones, and tells me I'll always be alone. And then I felt her, In places that had been numb for so long. She ignited my soul, Warming my world and breathing new life into me. For the first time I truly took a breath, was the first day I laid my eyes on her.
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It’s like an aching… a sick rush of anxiety in my gut. A split second of loss of control, that’s all it takes. As my mind wanders off into an endless oblivion of hopes and unrealistic desires. I hope you know these are unchartered waters for me. Darling I’ve only been walking the earth for twenty years, yet I feel like I’ve lived a thousand more. I’ve left footprints on every coast, laid my eyes on thousands of pretty faces and hundreds of pretty places. I’ve climbed to the top a dozen of times, only to find the top gets higher, the more that I climb it. At this point I have proven to be capable of anything. I acquire everything I want when I put my heart in it. So tell me why your heart is the first thing I question my ability to obtain? All my life I’ve been building, reforming, and perfecting myself to be a better soul; to hopefully one day be deserving of a woman of your caliber. I have removed the walls in my mind to think boundlessly. I’ve kept a pure soul, not allowing it to ever be impaired by or reflect all the dreadful things in this world. I still see the beauty of everything around me. I am not foul, nor bitter towards the world. My heart is a virgin; my love untamed, my heart unscaved. All of this to prepare myself to meet a woman like you; to be able to offer the best of me. I was beginning to think someone like you didn’t exist… I’ve reached into the souls of dozens of women, searching for an ounce of all the beauty you possess. I’ve only slept one night by your side, and in those hours I saw more beauty in you than years of sharing a pillow with other women. You do exist, I’ve spent my life looking for you. How could the universe curse me with finding you, only to find out it’s impossible? I refuse to believe in such a world. I know our time is approaching, I feel it in my bones. The lightness in my heart and the knot in my gut are escalating with time. I’ve waited for you for a thousand years, if need be I’ll wait a thousand more. You’re worth everything the world has to offer - I know one day we’ll share it all.
"Meant To Fly"
Your fire has seeped through the cracks of habitual order You’ve fallen into a state of lifeless stagnance And it kills me to see how routine makes a young heart old Tonight you realized this is your only chance There’s nothing like a grown mans’ cry If you keep living like this, you’ll die. As I, you were meant to fly. So fly away, flee this cold vitality and rediscover your fire And until you’ve procured your lust for life, Well I say, fly higher Because I can’t take another day Of looking into your empty eyes Or watching you live in such disarray When we only have a century to revise So don’t waste another minute Make every moment one not to forget And you’ll know nothing of regret You’re wings are not clipped, But by your stagnance are bound So stop inflicting your own restrictions As I, You Were Meant To Fly... This is the story of my father reconnecting with his two youngest children after three long years of silence, because of Hurricane Sandy.
"Boats floating blocks away from the ocean, Losing everything they’d worked their lives for. No one expected nature to be so ferocious - Destruction had just never shown it’s face before. So many lives forever effected & corrupted, But in one man’s life, beauty erupted. His own flesh and blood had been silent for years, Day by day struggling his worst fear, forever fighting the tears. So while the rest of the world was asking ‘why?’ I saw an opportunity I couldn’t deny. Forgive me, but I had good reason why... Because you’ve never seen pain, till you’ve heard a grown mans cry. My younger sister, his youngest daughter, cried for a reply - I told her I was clueless, and that was the most beautiful lie. I had just talked to him, but I wanted her to try. She reached out to him, to make sure he was okay, He assured her of today, but life never promises another day. He said if she wanted to see him, there wasn’t a moment he’d delay. In this moment, a fathers heart would mend, And he’d never again let his kids get away... Such destruction wasn’t devastating all around, Maybe there is some beauty in the breakdown. So many lives corrupted... But in one man’s life, beauty erupted." "That's your girl?" Yeah ...center of attention.
Give me anything, but an ease from her cling. Leave me, lingering... such a sudden rush for me. Swimming easy, but I'm just treading in a red sea. Your invention? Like a disease in me. Artsy and concealed; intended to flea. My intentions? Like you would not believe. A sudden comprehension; heart suspension. Defined? ...Flatlined. Nothing left but an inquiring mind - How many bodies will wake up in your bed with the regret you led? How many lives will be turned up by the words you've said? This outcome I couldn't possibly foresee... Guess looks deceive, this really never was for me. Ecstatic to realize that even though you got a lot, You never... ever, got the best of me. Couldn't catch it; couldn't contain it. In all my loving and all your longing, It's unfair yet unfit. Love, it just never transmit. And you'll never admit it, But a heart like this was never intended to be thrown around with the rest of your belongings." No, No One Can Phase Me...
But Suddenly Im Lost In You. You Affect Me Like No One Else.... You Infect Me; Oh Just Inject Me Cuz Your The Perfect Drug; Looking For Myself && Running Into You. Finding All I Am Is All You Have Broken Down On The Same Road Again Trying To Find All I Thought I Had Hearing My Own Screams Again This Misery Will Never End... Oh, The Night Is Screaming... Im Tripping Over My Weakness & I Keep Falling...(Yeah) Falling.... I guess deep down i love all your lies...
&& I secretlly adore all your little games I guess im sorta into your decieving eyes Yeah - I love the guilt trips, I adore this shame. Lead me on then run astray I'll play by your rules this time Get real close then pull away One last break && I'm... (screams)Broken! Once more youve left me... (whispers)Broken. I guess deep down i love all your lies... && I secretlly adore all your little games I guess im sorta into your decieving eyes Yeah - I love the guilt trips, I adore this shame. Yeah use me, Abuse Me, Break me Make me Bleed this time && Once Again I'm.. (whispers) ...Broken Again I dont know how else to put this
I dont know how much longer i can do this. My defense system crumbled at my feet How am I supposed to hide now? What am i supposed to do now? Im too tired to continue trying On my own im strong I'll put up the image My stregnth turned on me Now im clueless in what to do Hopeing these promises bring me threw Im so afraid What will i rely on now? I wouldnt really mind if i Would just fade away Neither would they Without you near, I'm stuck in this mental state They left me here Now Im fading. Alone im nothing Nothing gets exhasting After while... Tonight Im ending it all I dont know what else to do, I guess you were right, I never had it in me to pull threw. Not without you. But when all your love is gone,
Who will save me From all I'm up against out in this world? |
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